Karl In A Battle

Who talk of victory? To endure is all.

In addition to innutrient issue, some genetic factors resulted in being scrubby when I was a teenager. I’d been always arranged to sit at the first row in the class, stand at the head of line of morning exercise. You know, there is a normal game rule among the teenagers, that is, a kid would be taunted who is scrubby. Because of this kind of discrimination, I’d been usually kicked the ass by some naughty kids, which had annoyed me for years. I wanted to be strong, be powerful and even be invincible.

Since then, I exercised running,  football almost everyday and immediately found myself got a genius on running and extraordinary physical strength. Soon after, I undertook the midfielder postion in the football team without any controversy, I was an unquestionable and best runner in the class as well. Three years’ athletic meeting in the high school, I overwhelmingly won the No.1 in 400m and 800m. I remember my best result of 400m is 53″8 and 800m is 2′09. Sometimes, I had a doubt why I cannot become an excellent middle-distance runner. But my coach told me the truth that my height would be only handicap to stop me improving my performance. It’d really given me a so great strike that I almost abandoned my favorite sport, running. But I didn’t, I like running because it makes me more confident and give me more willpower.

Confidence, that is the most significant spirit which I got in the period of youth. Confidence helped me not only conquer the stutter, also had the courage to communicate with others and meet new friends. Somehow, confidence cannot lift my test score. I studied hard and corrected my mistake often, however, I always floated around the middle. “Did other guys take more time on hitting books than I did or am I stupid?”, this was the question I usually thought about.

I guessed I got the another reason - my family. During the period of my high school, my family ran into the serious situation. Since my mom got blind from my childhood (I am sorry for not mentioning that she had not been cured because of unadvanced medical technology at that time), she became bad-tempered, unbelieving, stingy, even psychopathic. My parents often quarrelled with each other about some little goddamn trifels. My sister inherited my dad’s character, aslo was irritable and arbitrary so that she wouldn’t be compromised with anybody. She left away from family because it seemed none of family believe her and gave her more freedom. She had a lot of arguments inconsistent with her dad’s and finally decided to do that. That happened suddenly when I was 17. My parents didn’t stop quarrelling for this, continually, kept it happening. Everytime I went home, I saw and heard dad reviled mom heavily with furious anger. I didn’t know who was right or who was reasonable, I just knew clearly and confirmedly that my parents should not marry. Their marriage at that old time was a political issue instead of true love. They each other just only wrote three letters and met once, with no political problem and good education, the parents of both sides agreed finally even without considering a little bit conflict on character, world view, life attitude, etc. That was my familial tragedy, but what if I were one of my parents, what if I came back to past, how could I do? I think many many person like me also have these problems. As a matter of fact, That was a China tragedy. To develop our wonderful social democracy, our country had to sacrifice one generational happiness but connived to destory the relationship with next generation. Is it ironic or inevitable?

 (To be continued…)