They say that once a man reaches the age of 30, he’d be better look back his own past stories and history. For what? For introspection, I suppose, now, it’s the right time for my turn.
I really don’t know where and when to start to release the memory. It might be ridiculous or embarrassed to present all scenario of my past thrity years to the public, but I insist on telling it with little matured and sophisticated world view.
Looking back on my child time, I don’t think I had a very happy childhood as other kids had. Before going to kindergarten, for some certain reasons, maybe my parents had no time to take care of my elder sister and me because they gotta work for feeding the family or maybe there was a very traditional custom to take own kids to another family which was mainly responsible for taking care friends’ kids, something like babysiting at that time, I was taken to and lodged at such one family, which has no blood relation. The circumstance of that family was terrible, the food was bad, the floor was dirty. But I couldn’t complain anymore, after all, the early 80’s of China was poor and undeveloped anywhere. Every family was poor and had no television, no entertainment. Whereas, this family was kind to me even regarded me as a consanguineous relative. I was growing up under this condition. The worse was , there was a stutterer uncle in that family, and I usually played with him at that time when I was learning to speak, so gradually I became a stutterer. It might be the most fucking terrible thing in my life. From then on, I was scared of speaking, especially when I faced a stranger. I was becoming lonely, incommunicative and coy.
Misfortunes never come singly, the another bad luck eventually encountered me. At the age of 7 when I was just at the 1st grade of primary school, My mom got a disease on her eyes which resulted in blindness. So my dad had to convoy her to another city for curing her evil sickness, leaving my sister and me alone at hometown. Once again I was taken to and lodged at another family, my kind teacher’s family. She was so nice to me so that I can’t forget that time within my life. Then, China just made an initial step on Reform and Open, most families had no good economic condition. My family had no money as well, I clearly remember that I ever ate a salt-pickled egg and a bowl of rice mixed with hot water as the lunch for several months. Even though, once I overturned my bowl unintentionally, my sister slapped me on the face heavily and accused me why I always made such a mistake. I was badly shaken up by that slap and trembled from head to foot. That day, she shared half of her meal to me, a half egg and a half bowl of rice because we didn’t have more money to afford another new lunch. Since bad and innutrient food, I grew runtishly, and I guess that’s why I am slim and slender so far.
In the whole childhood, I was not the best in my class or among my little pals. Even some of them thought me as a dork which meant stupid and dull. I didn’t know why, but I was sure I was innocent. Much worse, My stammering symptom was getting serious. I had few pals and was scared of making new friends, even I flushed when I met a girl. That was why those pals thought me as a dork. Someday, I suddenly realized this was a psychogenic sickness, no one can help me but myself. So I was trying to correct my stammering defect day after day. I’d made a rapid progess. Now I can easily use one sentence to discribe the whole procedure of conquering the stutter, but it was really goddamn hard back then!! Till now, I can speak very pure and standard Chinese. Even more, being at the 1st grade of university, I’d been madly studying English. I was very proud of myself I can persist with studying it and improving everyday. The most importance was I wanted to prove the fact that I have the enough capability to learn a new language because I was not an inherent stutterer.
(To be continued…)
